13-14 weeks: VIVID DREAMING

I’ve always had some pretty crazy detailed and off the wall dreams, but lately they have been pretty intense.

My dreams are so realistic that in the instance that I am in fear or anxious I wake up struggling to breathe or breathing heavy and my heart racing. I’ve even woken to a cold sweat and even crying.

In good dreams  with less anxiety I find myself thinking these things are really happening only to be awoken to the reality that it hadn’t. Though sometimes a tad depressing, especially when you’re holding thousands of dollars in your hand and you wake up with nothing there.

I’ve also had a dream that I was flying recently, these dreams give me anxiety as I am afraid of heights and in my dreams I generally cannot control my flight or height or direction. In this particular dream though, my flight was through running fast and pushing up off the ground when I was ready to ascend. It was actually relieving. I was not afraid and I actually could control how high I went, how fast I went and the direction of my flight. It was exhilarating to say the least. I woke up with my heart sped up a little, but not in the fear that I once did.

Another dream recently that has happened on 2 occasions was me simply going through my day to day, it seemed so realistic. Though one thing out of the ordinary, I kept finding huge spiders everywhere! They would have thick webbing as they lowered down from behind things or dropping from the ceiling. Now I have arachnophobia and we’ve just killed 3 spiders in the last week inside our house. I’m not sure if my sub-conscious is just playing off that or what. It’s been nerve racking. These dreams didn’t wake me up, but they did stick with me in terms of remembering the detail of the spiders and everything.

I’ve always been a “vivid” dreamer. Pregnancy seems to definitely  intensify it a bit. They are so realistic and I can decide what to do in them even when sometimes I’m not aware I’m dreaming. There have been times when I know I am and I have complete control. It’s quite interesting.

Do you lucid dream? Are you so sure that you’re really doing these things until you wake up and realize it wasn’t real? It’s crazy sometimes! Sometimes I just want to go back to sleep and jump right back into that dream but I never can.

13-14 weeks: VIVID DREAMING

Being an involved step-parent

I’m the biological mother to 5 beautiful children who live with me and my husband. My husband has 2 biological children who live with their mother. So together we have 7 children. My husband and I do not have any biological children together of our own, but we are raising these children together and show them unconditional love and treat them all as equal.

My husband and I have been living together going on 3 years this November. My four youngest children started calling him daddy on their own around 2-3 months after we moved in together. He was the constant in their lives and their biological dad wasn’t around often if at all. My oldest daughter however, called him by his first name. In reference to him as daddy only to her siblings. Over the past year she’s called him daddy or dad herself from time to time but would catch herself or sometimes not realize it at all. She asked us on a few occasions if she had to call him dad ever, we simply told her she never had to call him dad if she didn’t want to but that he was her step-dad.

Recently she told us that she was going to start calling him Dad because she felt like she was ready to. She said he is everything she ever dreamed a dad should be like, they have an amazing father-daughter bond and she understands his role in her life. We had a long emotional 2 hour conversation with both girls one night discussing such topic.

The similar thing was happening with my step-daughter (which visits our home as  much as we can possibly get her, every other weekend, shared holidays and school breaks), she told me that she wanted to call me mom but asked first if it was okay. I told her that if she felt she wanted to call me that then by all means she could. Prior the conversation and after the girls have been referring to him as Dad and me as Mom and it just flows. Things are going smoothly and even though it’s still new for us to hear it come out of their mouths, it’s actual quite pleasant because we know they are old enough to understand these terms and what they mean and that us as opposite step-parents to these children have provided them with enough warmth and love and nurturing that they feel as though they can and should call us that. It’s heartfelt and it really brings a smile to my face.

The only down-side to their new decision (which is what they said themselves) is they feel like they can’t call us those things in front of their other biological parent/family. They don’t want to hurt or make the other parent angry at them for calling us Mom or Dad. I can see their concern, I really can. I’ve dealt with it before with my children and my husband and my oldest and my ex-husband. It is a very emotional subject. We are not replacing their biological parent at all in any way, but we are also a very involved parent albeit Step or not. I feel like if they want to be able to call us what they want to call us is fair to them, they are 10 and 11 years old, they know and understand who is who and what roles we play in their lives.

Everything we do, we do for these children. My husband treats my (our) kids as his own no matter what and I treat his (our) kids as my own no matter what. Our  love is equal whether they are “blood” or not. These children are our lives.


Being an involved step-parent

Sometimes it’s just hard to convince them

So the cool thing about being a mom to multiple children and not only that but an active aunt as well, is that I get to see a lot of crazy conversations between little people everyday. It’s actually quite fascinating to listen to them and experience how they interact on an intellectual level. It’s amazing the topics they discuss both debated and calmly.

On any given day of the week I have a household full of 5-8 kids. This morning I only had 5 (three of my own and my 2 nephews) So, today I was sitting closely and in ear range of my 4 year old daughter and soon to be 4 year old nephew. She was saying something about her mom and he was telling her that I was not her mom, that I was “Aunt Meredith”. This was a good couple minute argument and it got them a little heated. She persisted with “she is my mom!!” and he continued yelling “no she’s not!!” over and over again. Then to the much exasperated child she explained in a final sigh that I was her mom and his aunt and his mom was her aunt and his mom. He replied “Oh…” and that was the end of it.


I guess it is difficult in a sense for a child to comprehend that everyone would have their own mom and that in reference to the term mom it does not mean their mom persay.

This isn’t the first time a simple argument has arose from my bunch of kiddos, it seems like there are a series of disagreements over the course of a day. Sometimes it’s simple hardheadedness, sometimes it’s just the lack of truly understanding and sometimes it’s just to be a pain in their siblings ass because they know they can get under their skin. Either way  it got me to thinking that I would love to document some of their funny moments and even serious moments in a type of comic strip. Not expressing my best artistry. Just quick and for fun of course, but I’ll be adding them once a week on my Facebook like page Madhouse (a parenting page namely because I run a madhouse around here most days). It will help me both pay attention more to what they are saying as well as capture the moment the best I can.



Sometimes it’s just hard to convince them

Lego Obsessions

Who doesn’t love legos!?

I can remember playing with Duplo legos when I was young, but I never had the opportunity to play with the more intricate lego sets. As a mother, I have found that my children are absolutely obsessed with legos from their very first time being able to play with some, and I have grown to love them too! Now we gift legos to them just about every opportunity we get, just wait until Christmas. We already bought all 6 kids their Christmas presents and it’s mostly all legos for the older kids.

I have 3 children whose birthdays fall into the same week as my own (May 14, 15, 16 & 20). A lot of May birthdays, so we celebrated them all over the weekend. My oldest daughter got 3 sets of legos between her grandparents gift and our gift to her. Each one has many pieces and extensive instruction manuals.


Last night my 10 year old and I put together the Elves set she got. It took an hour to complete and I did not realize how complex and time consuming lego building actually was until that moment. But it was neat to watch as the instructions grew this blob of blocks into a neat little structured creation


My youngest daughter who actually turned 4 today, got a duplo set yesterday that she had been asking us to get her for an entire month. She was so excited to open that present.


She continues to put it together, take it apart and put it together all by herself and she loves it.


Even my son who is about to turn 5 got a little lego set for his birthday.



My husband and I wanted to build the kids a lego room but have since had a change of plans. For now we just help keep their sets organized and have bought them bins to keep them in so the pieces do not get mixed up. We’ve definitely turned into a lego household within the past year since our children are getting old enough to really play with them. I can admit myself that I think legos are pretty freaking neat. I think my husband and I may be equally excitable from them. We can’t even go into the store without having to walk down the lego aisles just to see if there are any we want to get next.

Lego Obsessions

It’s bittersweet to watch them grow.

The one thing I used to find myself always thinking was, “Man I can’t wait until they are older!” When really it’s bittersweet. I would LOVE for them to stay my little toddlers forever but I know that watching them turn into the smart, witty and charismatic little people is just the next step on our journey.

My four year old son Ky is in Preschool. Before he started he wasn’t getting all the colors right, he had no recognition of the alphabet, and couldn’t really tell me shapes after going over and over everything. No matter how much I tried to teach him, he just wasn’t absorbing it.

Now he can say his ABC’s. He can nearly count to 20. (he can get to 12 accurately) He knows all his colors. He knows many shapes (even hexagon). He can do simple math with objects (1+1=2 & 2-1=1 kinda stuff) He is still learning Letter Sound recognition though he is exceeding in all expectations of the school by the end of the year. I’m proud of him.

It’s crazy to have seen him change so much just going to Preschool. He’s so smart. He can recite nursery rhymes, he can articulate much better (since they have had him in speech therapy) He went from being my kid who didn’t seem to retain information, to my kid who now knows so much that sometimes he even out smarts me.

My three year old daughter Fifi (turns 4 in May) will start preschool this year. She’s completely different than my son though, she already knows everything he’s learned in Preschool prior to going. I’m only sending her so she can learn how to behave in a school setting before Kindergarten, I already know she knows everything they’ve been testing my son on, so it should be a breeze for her.

She had been asking me all year can she go to school, so even thought it’s not a mandatory grade level, I’m still going to send her. She’s very excited and it’s really a good experience for them, I believe, plus I love that school.

That leaves me one baby left at home once she starts in August this year. My little 2 year old son Po who will be 3 in July. He is my doll baby, so spoiled and such a clown. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself once he starts school. (I wanted to start a hobby, but I just don’t know what I’d want to do)

I won’t get into my 7 year old son Z and my 9 year old daughter Ro. Seriously, they are so hot and cold. I’m sort of fearing being a mom to teenagers, but I know it’s inevitable. I’m just doing my best right now because they are the oldest and each new year is something else, usually something I’ve never dealt with before, so it’s very trying and at times I get emotional I won’t lie, but I’m doing my best to figure it all out because I have 3 more coming up behind them.

So as I’m watching them grow like I’d been painfully anticipating and at some moments wishing for… I’m finding myself now hanging on a little tighter to the memories of their infancy. They have grown so much and I really do enjoy this journey we’re on, we’re constantly learning and growing together as a family because they are all so different and all of them have different personalities. They all have different favorite things, they all have their own preferences.

As a parent, I have to remember every little detail or else they will correct me very quickly and then it’s the whiny cry from my daughter “MOM… I don’t like ketchup!!” and I’m like “oops, just switch plates with your brother.” The one kid who has to eat RANCH with everything and won’t eat a morsel if ketchup touched it, is my little girl. Then my four year old son has to eat mustard with everything and he likes pepperoni on his hamburgers. I could go on and on. Fixing dinner at my house I always have to prepare each plate differently and then remember whose was whose. It’s like one of those matching games where you have to remember which picture is where when they are turned over.

This sort of thing is going to continue on though, there are going to be so many changes to come, so much more learning and adjusting as they grow and it’s going to be a sensational adventure and it’s one I’m ready for, at least in theory.

(photo is of my younger four on one of our museum trips)




It’s bittersweet to watch them grow.